his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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