When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
