we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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