Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
