conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize