watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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