:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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