I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
