remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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