I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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