Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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