I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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