burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
