i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
