I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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