i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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