After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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