you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
