Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
