I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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