please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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