OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
