By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
