Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
