..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
