Too much gin, very little bucket
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
