The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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