you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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