So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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