pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
