You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You are a genius and a whore.
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