You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
if i died would you start the facebook group?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
