Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
