I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I love having hate sex.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
