weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
