U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
