i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
