"it" just moved
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
