tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
