Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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