I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
