I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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