I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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