Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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