bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
