i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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