everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize