direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
