so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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