Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
