i permit you to call me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
