I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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