I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
