just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
