Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
