I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
