I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
