So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Even my vagina gasped.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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