i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
