She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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