he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
