i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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