i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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