I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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