The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
