I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
