It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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