Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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