We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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