make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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