My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
