How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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