I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Farmville is her only friend.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
