Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
