Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
