Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
