btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
