I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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