got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
