Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
