you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
