Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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