Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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