That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
