so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
