I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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