I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
