She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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