Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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