at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
