Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
