If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
The maid of honor just puked.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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